Big Chop

Were you a long term or short term transitioner, and why?
I transitioned for 10 months, my last perm was in August 2009. Originally, I thought I would never BC (I just wanted to keep trimming off the perm until it was all gone), but as my natural grew in more and more and I began to see and feel the texture, I got more excited to be completely natural. I made it to ten months because I would not be comfortable with a TWA, but I couldn’t wait any longer.


When did you BC? What was your initial reaction to your natural hair?
I BC’d on June 18, 2010. I went to Miss Jessie’s salon in Brooklyn because my husband wanted me to get a professional cut. Initially, I was very calm. I was glad to see the nasty permed ends on the floor, but I was also thinking ‘what have I just done?!’ There was no going back. After my hair was washed, I was super excited to see my entire head in it’s God-given state.


How did family and friends react to the new you? What was your response to them?
I was most concerned about my husband’s reaction. I would have BC’d sooner if I knew he would love a TWA. He was supportive when I told him I had decided to cut it, and he told me it was my decision to make and to not ask his opinion. He was most concerned with the health of my hair, so now that I am natural, I hope to receive compliments from him. It’s important to me that he still finds my hair attractive. Most of my friends were supportive. I think it helped the most that my mother recently cut her hair very short, so I was very motivated when she cut hers.


What was your transition routine (products included)?
At first when I started this journey, I knew nothing about my hair… about its porosity, its type, cones, sulfates, etc. But now, I am so much more informed. I have learned that I do not need extra protein, because my hair is very thick and protein just makes it straw-like. Sometimes, before I shampoo I use Burt’s Bee’s Pre-Poo Avocado Butter. My current product line-up includes DevaCurl No Poo or Oscar Blandi’s sulfate-free shampoo if I want lather. For Conditioner I’ve used ApHogee, Mixed Chicks, Jane Carter, Trader Joe’s Tea Tree and Herbal Essences Hello Hydration for a cheap fix that I can use a lot of. To style I’ve used EcoStyle Olive Oil and Carol’s Daughter Mimosa Hair Honey, Tui Hair Oil and Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme. I’ve also used Argan oil on my roots before blow drying. It’s funny, since I’ve started buying these products, my husband and sons have started using the sulfate free products as well.


What was your staple hair style during the transition?
Unfortunately, every two weeks I went to my Dominican salon and got a roller set and blow out. Every few months I would get a roller set and not blow it out as to leave it curly. I started bringing my products, so I could at least control one aspect, and I went to the same woman every time and she understood that I no longer wanted to perm my hair. She was very gentle, but she also knew how to get my roots very straight. I started answering this question by saying ‘unfortunately’ because this method of styling permanently straightened some patches in my hair. At the ten month mark, it became increasingly harder to keep my roots from poofing, and now that summer is approaching, I believe it would be very challenging and time consuming to maintain a straight, sleek look with hair that is naturally curly. I tried my first bantu knots, which looked okay for the first two days, but after that they looked crazy with my permed ends.


How did you moisturize your hair to prevent breakage at the new growth line?
I didn’t treat the new growth line any different from my entire head. If my hair needed some moisture in the middle of the week, I would distribute a dime size amount of Proclaim Natural 7 Olive Oil throughout. I would wrap my hair at night and wear it straight for two weeks. I also make sure to deep condition after every shampoo, and either sit under the dryer or steamer for at least 20-30 minutes.


Why did you choose to go natural?
Oh my! For so many reasons! My entire life I knew that one day I would eventually go natural. I love the idea of one day, wearing a wash n go. Can you imagine? I look forward to swimming and working out and being confident in my natural hair texture. I look forward to twist outs, and curly fros and twist n curls and whatever else I find that looks cute. Although, there are two real motivating factors explaining why I recently BC’d.


After the Lion was born, I quickly stopped exclusively breastfeeding. He was born in June, and after labor day I returned to my second and final year as a fulltime business school student. I was recruiting for a fulltime job as well, so I found myself carrying a pump to school everyday. As my milk production decreased, and I leaned more heavily on formula, I noticed the shedding begin. This did not occur with Gadget, I think because I breastfeed him for much longer. Well, the second time around, I was completely done breastfeeding at the seven month mark because we took a three week course in Australia, and I refused to pump during “my time” (I won’t make this mistake again, but today I can’t fully say that I regret that decision.) Well, the shedding accelerated. Soon, my long thick mane was sparse. There was nothing I could do to slow it down.


In May of 2009 I got a perm for graduation and then went the entire summer without a perm. When August approached and my work start date neared, I got anxious and permed the fourteen weeks of new growth I had nourished. I immediately regretted that decision. I was afraid of the tension between the two textures, and I hadn’t yet found my gentle stylist. After two or so months perm free the shedding finally slowed. I am not sure if my body took an extra long time to flush out the pregnancy hormones, or if it was an internal issue, but not getting any more perms has helped to completely stop the shedding.


The second major motivating factor is that I want our children to be proud of and confident in their natural hair. I hope to one day have a daughter, and would hate to have her one day ask me why I perm my hair and not hers. I would be sending this huge message that you only look presentable with chemical alterations, and I do not want to communicate that through my behavior. So far, the transition has not been that difficult physically, although it is an emotional journey. I think that women who BC sooner have matured emotionally and mentally and are more prepared to live a life with a different look – more prepared than I am. If you think about it, it’s drastically changing your appearance, like an amputation. Clearly, my view on it is still with apprehension since I just compared going natural to losing a limb, but I think the mental consequences are just as significant. I have lived all of my adult life with a perm, and to abandon what has become a social norm, especially with my 4Cish texture, has taken a huge leap.


When I walk by a mirror, I still say ‘what I have done?!’, but that answer is that I have grown a head full of healthy, unadulterated, beautiful hair.


Before and After

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TwentyTen

Welcome to 2010! From my 100 Life Goals, I have chosen a group to work on and and an even smaller group I hope to complete. I am not sure how many I will actually cross off the list as done, but here are the goals I aspire to begin and/or continue, and hopefully complete in 2010. As I complete these goals I will keep you posted.


1. Support breastfeeding by developing lactivism.com
2. Publish a family annual report (with balance sheets and all!)
3. Compete on the Amazing Race with hubby
4. Take Pilates, jazz & African dance classes every year
5. Maintain a healthy BMI (18.5-24.9)
6. Go natural (my hair, that is)
7. Support the Dual-Degree Engineering Program with an annual Victor scholarship
8. Reunite with estranged relatives
9. Attend a marriage retreat in Colorado – well, really just have a couples Bible Study for now
10. Design a Family Coat of Arms
11. Publish a family tree that can be passed down
12. Volunteer with my children annually
13. Take family to MN state fair

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100 Life Goals Dashboard

A few weeks ago I launched an addendum section, my 100 Life Goals Dashboard. I created this dashboard to keep me publicly accountable for the 100 goals I wrote on this blog. I also created a little gauge widget and placed it in the sidebar so you can view my progress. I am 4% complete with my 100 Life Goals, only 96 more goals to complete!

As an introduction to the dashboard, I thought I would explain how I completed the four goals, and where I am with the rest that are in progress.


Completed Goals:


Goal #52. Play the didgeridoo in Australia
In January, hubby and I took a three week course in Melbourne, Australia. I was able to pick up a miniature didgeridoo and pretend to play it, so I think may as close as I come to completing goal 52.


Goal #55. Maintain a healthly BMI (18.5-24.9)
My current BMI is 20.9.


Goal #82. Remain consumer-debt free
Hubby and I currently have no consumer debt (just student loans) and we’d like to keep it that way.


Goal #97. Market a $1B product
I am currently the brand manager of a trademark that grosses a lot of money!


My in-progress goals are as follows:


Goal #13. Decorate our home together
I have currently saved $2000.46 towards our next home downpayment.


Goal #23. Publish a family annual report (with balance sheets and all!)
I have written the outline for our first ever Victor annual report.


Goal #25. Support the Dual-Degree Engineering Program with an annual Victor scholarship
I set up a monthly draft to place a few dollars into an account for the DDEP. I should email someone in their office and let them know…


Goal #53. Compete on the amazing race with hubby
Show contestants are required to be United States citizens. Hubby has his citizenship interview next week! Although, I should add this is not the main reason he decided to have joint citizenship.


Goal #69. Send in the last payment on my student loans
Starting on November 16 my first payment is due for my MBA… Can’t wait until I send in the last payment.


Goal #70. Be disciplined to save $175K
I have saved $2000 towards this goal.


Goal #75. Learn Adobe flash
Purchased Adobe Design Premium CS4. Now I just need to find a class….


Goal #87. Support breastfeeding legislation by developing lactivism.com
I have purchased the domain name through sedo.com. I have also written the scope of work and found an interactive agency to implement it, just need the funds now (about $6000).


Goal #88. Write a business plan
I have performed my industry research and found a template I like.


Goal #99. Have monthly blog pageviews of +100K
I currently have about 2500 pageviews a month.

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October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Aside: I am aware it is no longer October. The past few weeks slowed down my blogging, but I’m back again!


After writing my 100 life goals, I was able to clearly see where the gaps were in my life that shouldn’t be there. The gaps were like groundhog burrows all over a beautiful prairie, annoying and empty tunnels running from one random place to another, but most of all disruptive. In order to accomplish these 100 goals, some things needed to immediately change. For example, hubby and I would like to give the Atlanta University Center’s Dual-Degree Engineering Program an annual scholarship. Cash does not appear overnight, thus we set up a savings account specifically for this goal that drafts a few bucks per pay cycle into the account, so that, Viola! The full amount will be there when we’re good and ready.


So, one of my goals is to volunteer every year with the family. This has got my brain spinning around all the different ways I can volunteer, and I started looking up the various run/walk events taking place, but none really resonated with me. Another goal of mine is to help mothers globally, and unfortunately this is a really vague and ambiguous goal because I have no idea how I am going to do this. And then, I saw the piece about domestic violence awareness month in last month’s O magazine, and I thought, that’s it! The article mentioned how people can volunteer at shelters. Now, I doubt that it’s something that the whole family can do, but possibly something I can do with the boys.


So, I called the national hotline. That simple sentence was much harder to do than I imagined. I got all nervous and jittery while the phone was ringing. I imagined a young female answering the phone and not believing me that I wanted to volunteer and thinking that I was lying and trying to cover up abuse and sneak my way to the shelter.


Well, these shelters are really discrete. So much so, that no one at the local shelter ever answered the phone. I was able to speak with a national representative to get the nearby office contact information, but no one answers the phone. I was hoping that by the time I wrote this post I would have volunteered by now. I will write an update as soon as someone answers the phone.

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1 Life, 100 Goals (the whole list)

Here they all are! All one hundred of my goals! Sheena, from Mommy Daddy Blog was gracious enough to let me guest blog on her wonderful site, so visit her blog to read my 100 life goals. Or, read them right here:


I challenge you to write your 100 life goals. If you do, I will publish them on this blog, so email them to me at 100goals at spelhouseLove dot com. And here are my 100 life goals:

Family Goals

1. Renew our vows at 25th anniversary and have an awesome reception
2. Organize a Richardson family reunion
3. Watch my husband graduate with his PhD
4. Design a family coat of arms
5. Publish a family tree that can be passed down
6. Coach a team for one of my kids
7. Create trust funds for my children & grandchildren
10. Build a treehouse for my kids
11. Write letters to my family
12. Give a speech with hubby
13. Decorate our home together
14. Have a healthy daughter
15. Host our children’s college classmates for Thanksgiving
16. Reunite with estranged relatives
17. Teach our children how to golf
18. Generate enough passive income to retire at 50
19. Teach our children to be chaste but not ignorant about sexuality
20. Have children fluent in another language
21. Dialogue consistently again
22. Raise children excited about reading
23. Publish a family annual report (with balance sheets and all!)
24. Let the children manage the family budget
25. Support the Dual-Degree Engineering Program with an annual Victor scholarship
26. Create a charitable Victor Foundation
27. Buy our kids a house
28. Build a family lodge on mom’s land in GA
29. Volunteer with my children annually
30. Witness my grandchildren’s births
31. Pay for grandchildren’s college education
32. Watch hubby escort my daughter in a debutante ball
33. Invest $10k in my children’s passions
34. Complete a project adventure course as a family
35. Raise children who love Christ

Travel Goals

36. Do business in Singapore
37. Visit a slave fort in West Africa
38. Go on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem
39. Pray in Israel
40. Speak French in Montreal
41. Visit the Galapagos islands
42. Vacation in Turks & Caicos
43. Listen to an acoustic guitar in Spain with hubby
44. Visit the Mediterranean
45. Visit Fiji/Tahiti
46. Visit Monaco
47. Visit South Africa
48. Attend a marriage retreat in Colorado
49. Take family to MN state fair
50. Take family to Oktoberfest in Helen, Georgia
51. Dogsled in the arctic
52. Play the didgeridoo in Australia

Physical Goals

53. Compete on the Amazing Race with hubby
54. Take Pilates, jazz & African dance classes every year
55. Maintain a healthly BMI (18.5-24.9)
56. Learn to surf
57. Do the splits
59. Have the ability to do 20 pull-ups every year
60. Have six pack abs
61. Go natural (my hair, that is)
62. Complete a high ropes course
63. Go whitewater rafting
64. Go skiing as a family in Aspen
65. Play in a USTA tourney
66. Teach Amari martial arts
67. Learn how to double Dutch
68. Learn roller-skating dance

Experience Goals

69. Send in the last payment on my student loans
70. Be disciplined to save $175K
71. See the earth from space
72. Have a professional photo shoot
73. Take portraits of my children in my own studio
75. Learn Adobe flash
76. Meet Michelle Obama
77. Live in Geneva
78. Go to a ballet
79. Fly a jet
80. Get manis with my daughter
81. Own a home in Tobago
82. Remain consumer-debt free
83. Chaperone my children’s prom
84. Attend the Olympics
85. Attend the world cup

Influence Goals

86. Support mothers globally – not sure how
87. Support breastfeeding legislation by developing lactivism.com
88. Write a business plan
89. Mentor high school females & their parents
90. Speak at a college commencement
91. Have a household name website
92. Sit on as a trustee or board of directors on a national org
93. Teach children how to make websites
94. Be a professional public speaker
95. Read 500 HBS case reports
96. Teach public speaking
97. Market a $1B product
98. Teach a high school Physics class
99. Have monthly blog pageviews of +100K
100. Obtain an honorary degree

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