Whenever we’re out and about and folks see the boys in the double stroller we are frequently asked if they are twins. The first time it happened it baffled me because they are nearly two years apart. I thought, one of them is clearly an infant and the other one can walk and talk, sooo… But after the second, third and forty sixth time, we have come to expect it. The next ensuing question is usually, ‘Are you gonna try for the girl?’
I love this question! No, I do not love this question. I am kidding. This is such a loaded question. In so many ways. My response is usually a smile and “we’ll see!” But, the honest answer is that we would love to have a third child. We are only children, and we came into this marriage expecting to share our lives with five or six little ones, so with two kids we’re just getting started.
We have two prerequisites for bringing another child into our lives. The first is that we have the time for a third little one running around. When I was traveling with the boys, I couldn’t fathom traveling with yet one more person clinging, crying or running around. Some evenings when I come home, all I want to do is wrestle with the boys and give hugs and kisses. Other nights, I want to put on my headphones and watch my hulu queue. There is a balance that exists right now, and that would be thrown out of wack if we added another person into the mix. One of hubby’s associates told us that going from 2 to 3 is nothing compared to going from 1 to 2. Ha! Aside the from the time it would take to nurture and care for a little baby, we would have to make some serious logistical changes, and this is where requirement number two comes in.
We desire to have the financial independence and security for a third child. This means upgrading to a three row vehicle, and figuring out the infancy, daycare, preschool shuttle run that would take place in the morning. We would love for our children to receive full scholarships to college, but if they don’t, we would like to be in a place to pay for college for them. Besides those two small things, we’re all set! Kinda.
We would have to examine this from an emotional perspective. Some days I can’t wait to be pregnant again. It’s so exciting and awesome to carry your own child. The intimacy formed during pregnancy is so intense and fulfilling, the urge has started to come around again. Some days I think about the side effects, the weight gain and labor, when I am just getting back down to the tummy size I desire. I also think about how crazy it would be at times, and then imagine on top of that four more relationships. Yes, four more. Baby to me, baby to hubby, baby to Amari and baby to Joshua. That’s a lot of relationships in one household, and they would all put pressure on the existing relationships and require us (me and hubby) to nurture and build the new ones to be just as strong as the existing.
In the end, I still read pregnancy magazines. I still look at awe when I set baby bumps out and about. I refuse to give away the boys’ baby clothes. I’m waiting in anticipation for us to figure out the timing for the next one.
I hear ya, Mama! Loud and clear. I wish you and your hubby all the time, financial and emotional wherewithall you need to add more baby blessings to your happy bunch!
We have two girls who are also 2 years apart, and we get the “ya gotta have the boy” speech all the time. Le sigh! Um, no, we don’t!
Honestly, I reeaaalllly miss the infancy stage. I miss smelling their breath, and nursing them, and nibbling their toes…yep, all of it. But somehow, as much as I miss it, I’ve grown quite fond of Marley and Sage-Niambi’s growing independence, and subsequently mine! I get more time (albeit miniscule) to just be Akilah, and I kinda like that
I’ll just babysit when the urge gets overwhelming!